Euphemism

(At an outdoor café.)

She: When you lick the ridges of the oyster, it’s got to be gentle. You eat like a slob, always too rough. Likewise with the cantaloupe halves – cup, don’t grab. The meal would proceed much more enjoyably…

He: Fine, fine. Sometimes I lack patience, I’ll admit. But the odors from your kitchen don’t always aid your cause. And speaking of gentle: when it comes to cucumbers, delicacy is NOT the order of the day. You should handle that thing as if you’re struggling to pull it from the vine – with yanks and tugs. Otherwise it turns into a damn fettuccini noodle!

She: Alright. If you change your attitude towards the clam, I’ll adjust mine towards the carrot.

He: Carrot! I said cucumber. Give me a little credit.

She: And will you suck on the turnip points half-way through? That’s what Adam does when we cook…

He: Adam? Don’t you dare tell me you’ve been breakfasting with him again. I’m one minute away from swearing off this whole mess as it is…

~ by kingzoko on November 13, 2013.

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